You know what I am talking about. - Day 13

You control your own happiness.

But then along comes someone that flips it on it's side and completely messes with your mind.
It's been a fascinating day, a lot of deep thoughts and finding myself in equally deep conversations. For a Monday it sure has shown what it thinks of the rest of the week. Middle finger up.

First of all, let's get this straight. Men and woman think differently. Why? Because they ARE different. There is no simpler way to describe it. Trying to figure out why a man acts in a certain way is just going to waste your thought space. If he digs you, he'll show you. If he wants to talk to you, he'll talk to you. And if he wants to get into your pants, by God he will find a way.

Yes, from a female point of view it's a selfish action.

And, no, most probably, you won't have a say.

Then there are those, oh Jesus, there are those that well, are different. The 'I don't play by the rules' Mike. Their rules, are goals, no woman nor invitation of romance can step on this guys path to greatness. Of course you want to date him, just look at him. Successful, head strong, caring, knows what he want's type of guy. But you, fearless female are not on his goal posts. This type of guy will lead you straight down a path to confusion-ville. Why? Because he is the nice guy, he really is quite oblivious to your intentions and will play that friend card so well you will feel like you are half way there.

I try not to play games, it's not in 'my' rule book. I've lead a very happy single life for almost 2 years, found great friendships with guys and well become, to my shocked face realization, the girl friend, girl. I am sorry, but this is NOT who I am, of course I want a relationship? Just because I am 100% happy with being Jemma, doesn't mean that Dr Dashing can't claim a shelf.

I am a great believer in manifestation. I put my order in 'upstairs' and most of the time I get what I want. This time however my MAN-ifestation is in front of me, so ridiculously tangible yet unattainable. Is this my fault? Have I been handing out this friend card in fear of something real happening? I think any girl reading this knows exactly how I feel, one step out of the comfort zone and it's all yes, YES or the probability of a no. Fucking hell.

So then I circle back to the men and women are different. Men, not so much the Michelangelo thinker. Women, scenarios of circumstances that are enough to drive us crazy. But it's our own fault. We string along a pleasurable fantasy completely oblivious to the opposite sex, in fear of living a pleasurable reality. Where really we should MAN up and say, "I dig you, wanna date?".