KIDDO, LET'S GO.

I don’t think there is anything better than waking up next to someone and feeling that first emotion of a smile. Knowing that this person you wake up next to is a better half of you than you even know. For 3 years I’ve been waking up next to me. I greet myself with a smile and know that today, today it’s me with the world.

This is a little memo to myself, so bare with me as I kick my own ass into touch for the next 500 words.

Kiddo, when will you learn that you are allowed to make bad decisions? You are allowed to fuck up. Simple. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be that girl that has created a path of infinite adventurous opportunities that get you out of bed every morning. If you broke it, you sure bought it but let that souvenir remind you that, you should not do it again. So stop. Respect yourself to let things go that don’t make you happy, and if by some divine luck you’re able to change that, then trust your gut to know that you’re not pulling the wool over your own eyes.

Find routine. You’re not superman. You need to know when to stop and let the air touch your face. So get out of bed god dammit, 6am is when some people start work, and you should find that time as yours. Be quiet and be still, reflect on the day that’s about to embrace you and then, get your growing butt into gym. Sweat it out and feel that burn, you know how good you feel when you walk out of that muscle infested space. You feel alive. Give that to yourself - there is only one you. And I’d prefer it if you had a hot ass. Thanks.

My love, it’s time to get rid of the bad relationships in your life. You don’t deserve to suffer for the sake of someone else’s lack of vision. You will never be able to change them, they’re selfishly intertwined in their own life and the reason they keep taking you down with them is because you allow them. Stop this, it’s ruining you. You deserve a team mate, not an opposition. You deserve a best friend with a great penis, not an asshole with the right moves. You deserve someone that wants to be with you, every minute, not the guy that finds you 20 people down his WhatsApp list. Please be kind to your heart, and ditch the frown that once had a smile. When you laugh you make the world a happier place, I want to hear it more often.

Stop spending money on memories that last an hour. Start spending your money on memories that you can look back on as life experience. It’s silly really. Ok, maybe you do need a new pair of heels, but that’s because you live in Joburg and heels look good on you and when you look good, you are happy. Spend a little money on happiness. But put some away too, you’re healthy kid but you might not always be so, just think ahead.

Learn to prioritise your friendships. You have such a wonderful gift of making new friends, start following up with them. You have no reason to feel lonely. Check that contact list, gurl you got a lot of friends in there that may not be thinking about you all the time but sure would love to hear about your life in excuse for a glass of wine. We’re all just as scared of each other - break that ice and pour him/her another one.

And lastly, love your family. Yes, they’re a bunch of hooligans and yes, they’re not perfect. But nobody has a perfect family. You didn’t turn out too badly so they must have done something right. Call your Dad. Often. He’s not going to call you, remember you left, you need to keep him in the loop. He’s not around forever babe, he needs you, even for a laugh it’s reminding you where you came from. Get that head back down to earth please.

So Miss AdailyJem, You think you heard what I have to say this time? Live a life that makes you feel alive, the minute you start to doubt a decision, get the hell up and run. Run into the arms of a handsome stranger, and only let go when you feel you can feel that head of ours rationalise a dodgy situation. You’ve got this, we’ve got this. Now wake up!

A possible, possible.

It’s been the most life-changing week. I left behind all worries of ‘Making It: Self Employment’, dusted off the Durban Sigh and headed to the hills of a new little music festival called Spogweni. Little did I know that this little valley with no reception would wake me up to the possibilities of what life has just given me. And of course a story wouldn’t be a story without, yes, a boy.

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Take away the commercialness of Splashy Fen, add 40 bands that feature on no hipsters playlist, mix in tall trees and tee pees but don’t forget the hippies and you have Spog. A festival in it’s 2nd year, but has no means reached it’s true potential.

I climbed a tree or two.
I danced until no one was dancing.
I reflected upon my life without fear.
My cellphone lay forgotten.
Hot showers, were expected but never found.
I stumbled into new friends,
And found my smile in someone else’s gaze.

I have a thing for smiles and all the happy adjectives that come with them. I heart adventure but sometimes am too scared to discover. Amsterdam, my human, that I refuse to be a festival fling changed my lightbulb and brought back my sparkle.

He had just finished a 5 month drive from the Netherlands down the west coast of Africa and arrived in his zebra-print wrapped Landy to a place not many people thought to go. He pulled at my comfort laces until they were untied with a new passion for life, for discovery and opened my eyes to the possibility, yes daily dears, the possibility that I have the power to create my own adventure.

We spoke about places WE would see with trees bigger than you or me, about African skies and passport controls. He gave me hope in my dreams that I will become everything I want to be, and most of all he made me see that I am the only one who holds the possibility.

But saying goodbye to Spog, with a mind clearer than a crystal ball only brought sadness into my heart. Not only was I saying goodbye to a human I would probably never see again, but to a feeling I know will only last as long M4 highway.

Now back in the city smog with only ‘remember when’ moments to look back on, I’ve realised that we all live a life of possibles, we just need to put in that little effort and invite a ‘It happened’ into our lives.

Next year, I am going to explore Africa. Thank you, Amsterdam.