Rubber Band Theory

What is this rubber band theory? The ‘let me go so I come running back’ scenario. I don’t think I like it much. Especially when it was used on me, or currently is at this very moment. No I will not chase after you. I don’t do that, do I?

So to explain the Rubber Band Theory is supposed to work in blossoming relationships. To keep him interested and wanting more:

Act one, scene one

Girl and boy having been seeing each other, it is going quite well until boy gets a little scared (no other explanation other than this) and stops seeing girl. Girl gets confused and boy is left with 17000 miss calls on his mobile. Girl thinks this over and tries a different approach. Girl sits back and waits. No more calls to boy, boy must do, as he wants.

Now boy gets confused and realises that he does like this girl and why has she not phoned him in 24 hours, he thinks this is mighty strange. So boy calls girl, girl ignores call, boy is left scratching his head.

“I thought this girl was into me”, he ponders. Still scratching his head he comes up with a plan. Light bulb! He’s got it!

Boy goes over to girls house with flowers, knocks on girl’s door to find that she is not home. Now boy really wants to see girl.

So boy digs deep down into his emergency box for romantic ideas. The box is full of dust and boy has forgotten how to use it. Eventually after much effort he slips it open and to his surprise…

Surprise!

…there are a lot of romantic ideas in there, why did he not think of this before?

So, boy finds girl, takes girl on romantic dinner and tells her that he was stupid and that they really belong with each other.

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Guys, you are masters of the Rubber Band Theory. This is not because you know of this theory, you are just too busy living life to let a chick come in and smother it.

Us girls, we hate this by the way. We want you to smother and tell us that you love us. Not pretend that you don’t care. (Even though we know you just don’t know any better). So when you actually do it on purpose, it fucks us off. Sorry but that is the way it is. We are the ones coming up with silly scenarios that work on you, not the other way around.

Please go back to kicking your ball and let us do the ignoring. We are the complicated creatures not you simple-minded fools.

Thank you.

Relationship Status!

So when you meet a guy and fall in lustville love your mind goes into possible relationship material mode, the first opportunity we get to tell the world is, well, Status update!! Facebook. Not even our mums get the phone call of honour to say that you have now found another hunkasourus to add to the list of gene pool possible’s.

I don’t know what it is about sharing with the world that your now ‘Single’ status is going to be magically transferred into ‘In a relationship with’ with one click of a button and made ‘Top News’ on yours and millions of other’s Home pages. What are these feelings? A little bit of spite to your long time crush, that now you are taken? A message to that ‘other’ woman that keeps writing on his Wall? An overwhelming feeling of joy that now you will probably get more Wall action since your birthday? If one of these or all of the above hits that ‘I am guilty’ spot, then you are not alone.

During your text’allating relationship between you, him and Facebook, little love message float to and from your Wall’s. Just keeping tabs on all those beady eyes that you know will snatch him up in a sec when that Single button is pressed. Or is it that we just want to reassure the world that yes, we still are in a relationship and look how happy we are.

The meaning of Social media is not to make your life easier it is to ensure that you make everyone else’s. Your relationship is not judged between you and him, but with everyone that sits and watches. Why should someone bother to flirt when you come online if he knows you taken? That little Relationship tab is there for his convenience, not yours. Men don’t even ask for your number anymore, Full name please. That way they know exactly what type of person you are. Convenience.

So what happens when you break up? Oh heartache! That’s what it is. Do you know what Facebook tells you when you change your status to Single? “Your Relationship with *his name here* will be cancelled upon saving” Seriously?! Thanks Facebook for being to courteous to my broken heart! It doesn’t even give you the option of ‘*his name here* broke up with *my name here*’. It just simply states with its little red heart ‘you are now single’. Convenient? Not when you know have to tell the world what happened, who did who, bla bla bla. And you know what is even worse is that you get to sit and watch all HIS Facebook vultures; ‘Shame’ and ‘ahh, sorry’ and ‘I’ll be there for you’ while you sit in a puddle of your own woeful words.

Anyways, after we go through yet another break up we vow to never let another relationship be posted for someone else’s enjoyment. Pity we are all Facebook addicts and our relationships are an open book for everyone’s enjoyment. That reminds me, I am going on a date tonight – Status update!

A Serious Topic

What is it about us super women that send men running back to their bromances after a fun hook up? Apparently he hears ‘fun hook up’ translated as ‘ I am looking for a relationship and I want to have your babies, lets get serious’. This could probably be the reason men/boys/dudes don’t phone or call after a night out. Fun to them means fun. But when they do call, us silly girls go into a panic and yes, our built in girl thoughts start thinking long term and what it would be like to have you around all the time. Most times however these thoughts dissipate as the whole fun hook up thing only really happens with guys we wouldn’t necessarily go for. A daring act of drunken debauchery.

So this has been happening to me a lot lately when hooking up with the guy. He will call the next day and arrange a second ‘meeting’, sms his little heart out, get in my good books and then after a good couple of days of ‘fun’ will pull the ‘ I am not looking for anything serious, just by the way.’ Card. Tell me something boys – where have I ever said that you were the one for me, the only ONE, my shining night of amour. Can you believe that I too just want some fun? But then again girls cannot have fun. Random hook up’s lead to labels such as ‘slutty mcslut face’, ‘ the whore who wants more’ or my favourite: Easy.

Where is this middle ground? Which Serious Sarah out there screwed it up for all of us by damaging the beautiful nation of our boy’s minds?

A friend once told me about how he used the whole ‘serious’ vibe to make the girl he liked work harder for him. A way to seem nonchalant and hard to get. This obviously worked as she didn’t give up and now they are in a SERIOUS relationship and to add, madly in love. I don’t know about you but as soon as a guy gives me the serious finger I tend to give him a zap back to reality.

Rules on one-night hook ups:

(These are generally known, but most times forgotten in the act)

- BOYS: Don’t waste our time with asking for numbers unless you are going to call. This makes the next day hell. Is he calling or isn’t he?

- GIRLS: If he wants your number. Get his instead. That way you have a night to think about your choices. Taking Tattoo Travis back to your mom may not be the best idea.

- BOYS: We get that dance floors and shooter bars are not the ideal place to meet our husband. Relax we are here to have fun.

- GIRLS: Buy him a drink. Take charge of the fun. Being a ‘fun chick’ automatically cancels out the ‘slut’ label you could get. Being talked about as the ‘rad chick he hooked up with last night’ totally beats the ‘sloppy drunk I grinded on the dance floor’.

- BOYS: If you want to come home with us, don’t ask to come have ‘tea’. Cos you will probably just get tea. We know what ‘tea’ means. Dorks.

- GIRLS: Go to his place. Always his place. Easy escape when the fun is done.