The "OH SHIT" Moment

So I have given up using the word love.

It gets you into trouble and generally tricks your mind into actually feeling it. I have loved. I have loved in many different ways. I think the worst kind of love is obligated love – the kind you just say for the sake of saying. Not to let the other person down or thinking that it is love, an over bearing sensation of lust.

The best kind of love is unexpected love. At the end of a telephone conversation that just pops out "love you", or at a surprised gift "oh my god I love you". Doesn’t it always seem these unexpected ‘loves’ are all said to the wrong person. A crush that did something out of the kindness of his own heart(not because he loves you, or that you would want him to know you love him), or the guy friend you not that interested in. This I like to call ‘blind love’, you know the kind that makes you think ‘oh how blind’.

So with that feeling of ‘how blind’, lets talk how blind I am and how ‘in like’ my blindness is. Have you ever ‘liked’ someone without knowing it and suddenly this thought daunts on you and you are like ‘oh my god, I like him. No, I really, really like him. This is terrible!’. A ‘like’ that could never work but just seems to, work. I am astounded to have found myself in this situation.

One week after a break up and I am in deep, ‘like’. Call it shit if you will, but this feeling has the same comparison to that. So this person. This person that was nobody to me has turned into a somebody. From a Hi Tek takkie to a 5 All star. Do you think this happens often? That a nobody that sits in the corner to be regarded as a wall flower can come out to actually be that somebody that you really, really like? I don’t want to make him seem like a dork, and by a nobody I mean an untouchable – the type of person you would never think to really notice for the sake of your present somebody to notice you noticing that nobody. You see it is even that complicated in my mind, even if I were using names it would be just as complicated.

This is school book ‘like’. A silly infatuation that, will not go away! So quick out a ‘grown up’ relationship and I am already feeling those ill feelings of: does he like me? Do I tell him? Do I wait? Has he even noticed me like that? Or as a friend always said to me, “give it time and that too shall pass”. URGGGH!!! Two glasses of wine and Eat.Pray.Love shall do this to you. I need help.